1. new beginnings
New newsletter, new me :) I had a different newsletter but just thought it’d be nice to have a fresh start because I feel like my taste and thoughts have changed since I started the old one. I’ll try to write more consistently here too hopefully 🥺
On Monday I start a new job (!!). Last week I went through my old work emails to clear them out in preparation for the new role, and seeing emails from when I started at that job made me realize how much I have grown since then. When I started at my old job in 2021, I was so green…almost exactly a year out of college. I thought I knew so much and was a cool college graduate, but I was also secretly quite scared and unsure of myself and how others would perceive me if I said or did the “wrong” things. I think the difference with this job transition this time is that I feel more confident in myself now. So while I’m still nervous simply because I don’t know what to expect yet (and also because I think that anytime you change the status quo will be nerve-wracking even if you know it’s a good life change), I am equally looking forward to the new challenge and all that I have to learn and continue growing. I believe in myself and what I have to say a bit more now. Perhaps this is the benefit of getting older - while you have more decisions and responsibilities to handle, you also get better by going through the fire and coming out alive, knowing you can take care of yourself and pick yourself back up despite what happens.
I’ve been also feeling good about life lately which has been really nice. The past few years, it often felt like my life was tinged by a sense of ennui - that my life was fine, but there was this slight sense of non-satisfaction that pervaded. I wouldn’t call it dissatisfaction, but it wasn’t really satisfaction either.
But these days, somehow it feels like that feeling is not really there anymore. And I can see this in my habits too because I find myself spending less time online on sites like YouTube, mindlessly scrolling and refreshing even when I know it’s not satisfying. When I think about the first few months of this year, I am pretty satisfied with how it’s gone. I’m not at my final form I aspire to by any means, but it also feels like I’m finally finding my groove maybe. It feels like I am slowly building connections in different arenas of life, and I’m seeing the returns of committing to a physical place instead of dreaming about what my life could be like in other places. A few years ago at the peak of my wanderlust phase, I wrote to myself, I want to want to stay because I often wanted to run away to another place where the weather was nicer, or I could see kpop concerts more easily (haha), and instead that took my attention away from the things and people I do like in this city, and the possibilities that exist here.
Reading
I’ve been drawn to books about friendship, community, connection. Maybe it’s because I personally view my work as a means to an end (i.e. I have to live and I need income to do so; I need to enjoy what I’m doing too, but I’d rather derive my meaning from the work and relationships I have outside of the 9-5), but I feel like our relationships with others are really all we have in this life. Meaningful work is important too, but the memories we made and the people we made them with are often what we remember most when recalling a fond memory or the course of a life.
How to Know a Person by David Brooks. I really liked this book because the author talks specifically about how exactly we can be better in our relationships and how we make others feel. I think that is important, and sometimes left to the wayside in favor of careers and financial success. The book left me with the thought that maybe the cracks we are seeing in society are due to increasing loneliness among people who don’t feel seen by anyone, and the lack of a sense of community that used to be more prominent in American life.
Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships by Robin Dunbar. Yes, Dunbar as in Dunbar’s number! This is a longer book and I skimmed some sections more than others, but I thought it was interesting on the whole to see how important friendships are for humans and how we categorize them.
The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen. Opened my eyes to different ways of friendship and examples of people who have friends that are platonic life partners (not necessarily as a replacement for a romantic partners) - made me think about why we as a society tend to value romantic relationships so highly and view friendship as something more casual, like the phrase “just friends,” when in fact they are just as important and can actually help you show up better in your romantic relationships. I believe in diversification of relationships; having different friends/relationships for different purposes rather than expecting one partner or best friend to be the one person who needs to vibe with you on everything.